Diablo II: The Greatest Theft Ever
by Magnificent the Destroyer Lord
Summary: This a sort of oneshot that takes place somewhere between Diablo and Diablo 3. Please read and review flames accepted but not wanted.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Blizzard's other than the Battle Chest I own at home. If you try to sue me, all you will receive is the debts and bills I owe.

Author's note; "Dialogue"

/Thoughts to oneself/

Mindlink (if necessary

The Greatest Theft Ever

In the midst of the Blood Moor, a Necromancer was out exploring with his cousin and two of their friends; a sneakthief powerful and cunning enough to swipe the soulstone right out of the Dark Wanderer's head should he have wandered by. Besides the necromancer and his Rogue cousin, there was a Druid.

"Suro, I know this a very pretty spot, and that you're trying to sneak Cyra out from under my nose with the romantic setting; I can't help wondering it's really because you hid your stash around here."

"Guilty as charged, Xeo, on all counts. You can't blame me; she's the prettiest rogue in the camp."

"True," chimed in Rohaas, the druid, "but you don't see me trying to risk twenty arrowheads in the most uncomfortable places."

"I'd merely steal her quiver before I started to talk to her."

"So that's why my bow-strings have been dissappearing every time we come within a mile of a body of water."

"I can't help having a natural vice for once; I like to fish."

"You don't have to steal the rod just to go fishing _every _time you want to fish."

"Merely keeping in practice. We wouldn't want me to suddenly lose all capabilities because I haven't exercised the old talents in months?"

"Yes, we would."

"Rohass, what do you think? Rohaas? Now where'd he go?"

Rohaas had wandered over to the end of the camp; he had been sensing a large anomaly of demoic corruption nearby. That only meant one of two things; either there was a very powerful demon nearby, or there was a large gathering of lesser demons nearby. Either one was not preferable.

As Rohaas was deep in his thoughts, he stumbled upon a small chest, which looked like it was full to bursting.

/Hmm, free goodies…. I wonder if this is that old sneak's stash? He was always ultra-paranoid about people stealing from it./

As the druid went to open it, he noticed a person in dark robes standing by the chest. He had the look of a warrior; one who had seen tragedy beyond description.

"Who are you, and what are you? Answer quickly, demon. My better judgment and regards for the people of this land may overcome my curiousity at any second."

"That would be most unfortunate, Hero. You would regret it for all eternity."

"I'm certain..."

"Well, are we going to stand here all year bantering with the forces of Evil, or are we going to kick some demonic ass?"

"Wha…? Where did you come from, Suro?"

"I heard the shouting, and I noticed it was near my stash. I thought I would go see who was nice enough to alert me he was about to rob me."

"ahh, a thief. I haven't seen one of your kind in many years, almost a century, mortal."

"And I'm sure it was for the better all-around."

"Enough bantering, what do you want? Be quick, or the earth shall claim another of your foul brood."

"Very well, some fool of an agel named Tyreal thought he could steal back the Soulstones and uncorrupt them. He succeded with the first part; he obviously did not with the second."

"Ahh… then they are hidden in my stash. I wondered who had placed holy seals on it. I can't make them."

"If you do not release them to me, you and your pitiful plane will be crushed by my hand."

Suro began to shake in mock fear.

"Yes, oh mighty and terrible demon lord. Might we know whom we have the pleasure of betraying mankind to?"

"I am Diablo, mortal foo. Cower in terror before me!"

"Right. And I'm the Matriarch of the Amazon Isles."

At this point, the demon lord had obviously lost his patience; he began to concentrate a large quantity of mana into his hands for his trademark "L.B.O.D." (Lightning Blast Of Doom). Rohaas immediately sensed the mana and conjured a powerful wind, forcing it to coalesce around his boddy. He then began to glow, then was surrounded by a glowing mass of fire, right as the L.B.O.D. hit. When the smoke cleared, a gigantic mass of fur and muscles was standing there; a massive man-shape that resembled a bear. It growled meacingly, then charged in, extending its claws for a massive mauling strike.

"Pitiful druid, your skills are no match for mine! Surrender the Soulstones, or your little friends are dead!"

In response, Rohaas merely pressed his attack further, merely shrugging off Diablo's massive attacks.

Unfortunately, the attacks of the Prime Evil were leaving its toll; as the umpteenth wound was opened on Rohaas' tough Werebear hide, Rohaas tripped backwards, landing hard on his side.

As Diablo cackled and launched a massive hellfire barrage at Rohaas for the finishing strike, a massive form of flames ran up and began to hammer its clawed hands into Diablo's flanks, completely absorbing the damage.

"Are you all right, you miserable excuse for a throw rug?"

Rohaas merely grunted and shifted back to his human form. Then he began to call the winds to him, strengthening them into a massive gale; the cold was piercing.

"I like the light show, but now we end this!" shouted the thief, completely forgotten in the struggle of the hapless druid and the arrival of Xeo the necromancer to the rescue.

"Arrgghhh…. Annoying insects!"

"Yeah, and your mother was a saint!"

This insult made Diablo roar with anger, and he sent the largest nova of flames any of them had ever seen.

"Nice fireworks, but can you actually fight normally?" asked the sneakthief as he plunged a heavily poisoned dagger into where the heart of the warrior that harbored the Lord of Terror's spirit.

With a heart-rending scream, the Hell lord fell down, as the spirit relenquished its hold, dissapearring into the air and dissolving. Meanwhile, the last words of the warrior could be heard;

"Thank you, heroes. May you never face such a fate…."

And with those words, the threat of the Dark Wanderer was ended.

A/N: So, how was it? I know, it seems kinda random. I just happened to think of it; it was kinda a release for a dream I had.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Well, I guess this fanfic will live after all. Thanks to the reviewers, all 2 of you!

Headache-With-Pictures: Thanks for the support.

Cats-Go-Moo: Ditto; If you will list some of your stories later, I will try to read them and review back.

On with the disasterpiece in progress:

Chapter 2

After much argument and the threat of allowing some of Rohaas' Dire Wolves to use him as a chewing toy, Suro agreed to let them try to release the holy seals.

"So, we would just try to open it normally?"

"No Xeo, we have to mumble some hyper-holy mumbo-jumbo over it first."

"Ha, ha. You're a real riot."

"Well, why don't we try it?"

"Fine, I get to do it since it's my stash we're risking here; I REALLY don't want to lose the set items I was collecting."

"Whatever."

As Suro reached for the lid, a loud, booming voice echoed outwards;

"Stop! The magical items contained herin shall not be released for the demons to take back!"

"Aww, nuts! We've set off some kind of car alarm!"

"Wha-? What in Sanctuary is a car, and how would it be set with an alarm!"

"Forget it, satyrical babble."

"Stop showing off your vocabulary and get that nuisance of an arch-angel to let us look at the insides; we aren't going to try to rule the world."

As everyone turned around to try to do what Cyla suggested, they saw a large, almost irridescent form of a man with large wings; he was covered from toe to masked head in bright, shining armor, and wielded a large runed sword.

"How can one be sure? I, Tyreal, did not risk the wrath of the Heavens in stealing those stones just to hand them over to the first Hero that comes along. You must prove yourselves; travel to the Monastery and Andariel, the Maiden of Anguish, who resides in the depths of the Rogue Citadel."

"No prob; where does this charming specimen of demonic evil live?"

"Within the very heart of the sacred catacombs of the Rogue Monastery, there is a large chamber. She coordinates her army of corrupted Rogues from there."

"Pardon me, O great archangel, but wasn't she defeated before? I thought that Diablo would have wanted his tracks covered?"

"What? Diablo has been here? How is that possible? He would not have left without the soulstones."

"Oh, yes, - that – one. Great one for needless and powerful fireworks, but I'm afraid he lacked quite a bit in the department of physical defense."

The Archangel was stunned; although his face was covered, the foursome could tell he was troubled.

"You defeated the Lord of Terror himself?"

"Well, no. We killed the person he had possessed. I suppose that means that he's now back hiding in his Soulstone."

"Actually, mortal Druid, his spirit has returned to Hell, awaiting another vessel 'worthy' enough to contain his evil essence."

"Well, that at least gives us a little time. How… -"

"I must hurry; I feel the ties that bind me to this world are being pulled back; I must return to the gates of Heaven. Fare you well and should you prove yourselves, I will reveal how to open and cleanse the Soulstones."

"Great... Yet another long and drawn-out request. –"

"Suro, if you bring down the wrath of the angels on us because of your miserable sense of humor, so help me…."

Rohaas' threat was not necessary to quiet the irrepressable thief. He was left staring in disbelief at the spot where Tyreal had been moments before; a few feathers, a pair of scorch marks in the shape of boot-prints where the archangel had been standing were the only proof of a visit from the heavens.

Author's Note: As evil and disgusting cliffhangers are, I realize that they are a necessary evil when writer's block rears its ugly head.

I'll post as soon as possible; summer classes are VERY HEAVY READING!


End file.
